A Rocky Start - Rome

Things didn't all go smoothly from the outset - for example my luggage came on another plane so when I got to Rome I thought my luggage had been lost. I wrote in my journal the following morning, "We have just arrived yesterday and it has been an adventure already. I understand that things will not necessarily run smoothly and that this is part of the Pilgrimage experience. I learnt that complete trust and blind faith is what is being asked of me."

We arrive in Medugorje

When we first arrived I felt peace in this place. We arrived at night and the dominant building was the Church of St. James. It was hard to believe that I had finally arrived in this pace which, I still don't know enough about. Unfortunately, despite the fact that Mary has been appearing since 1981, I have only demonstrated an interest in Medugorje for two months. My presence there was definitely a 'calling'. I know that I will never regret it.

Stories

During our stay in Medugorje, we were told many true stories of amazing events that have gone on there. Ana, our guide, lives in the village and knows Fr Jozo as well as the visionaries. She has experienced many things herself. One story she told was of the statue, a small version of the statue that stands outside the Church, that wept tears of blood in the arms of an Italian Bishop - the statue that has become world famous. Before I go on may I just ask those of you who know very little about the Medugorje event, to check out the following sites. They tell you more than I could tell you about Medugorje and the events that have taken place there over the years. The Story of Medugorje , Father Finelli's Medugorje Page , Another Pilgrim's Experience, The Medugorje Web , Our Lady's Messages from 1981-1999

Many Graces - Begin with the Mass

The graces began for me the day after we arrived. Having heard that I belong to a Cathedral Choir I soon was asked if I could lead in some of the singing. The first day I was asked if I would sing the 'Hail Mary' in front of the statue of Our Lady. (For those not familiar with the prayer, the first section is mad up of the words of the Angel Gabriel to Mary and the words of her cousin Elizabeth and fulfills Mary's prophecy that all generations would call her 'Blessed". The second section asks Mary, as a member of the Body of Christ in Heaven to pray for us). Anyway, I soon realised that I wasn't going to be too far away from the spotlight on this trip - something which made me feel awkward and very humble at the time. I knew that in this place, Jesus and Mary make their watchful gaze known to you.

A Drop of the Precious Blood Becomes Visible????

During Mass on the first day - I noticed a drop of something fall into the Chalice at the time of consecration - straight after the words were proclaimed. To this day, I cannot explain what it was. I have tried to tell myself that a dust particle caught a ray of light and this created the illusion of a drop of liquid falling into the chalice. Or perhaps it was in fact what I immediately thought it was at the time - a grace - to see the drop of the Sacred Blood of Christ - directly after Father had finished speaking the words of Consecration.

Chosen to sing for following day's Mass

The graces continued after Mass. We were told that Father would not be available to sing at the following day's English Mass and that I had been 'dobbed' in. I would do the cantoring, without instruments, the following day. As soon as I heard that, I was happy - to be able to sing in the Sanctuary of the Church, where Mary appeared many times, would be a special grace. It proved to be a very special one indeed.

That day, whilst in a cafe getting some lunch, I thought I would select the music with the help of another family that had come from my home state. After some discussion we selected the hymns which included "Soul of My Savior". Here I am Lord" and so on. We decided it would be a good idea for us to consult with some other English speaking Pilgrims in the cafe`, who would also be at the Mass the following day, to see if the songs were well known to them. I was touched when one lady said very pensively 'Most of these songs were played at my son's funeral. I would be honored if you sang them". All signs kept pointing to the promise that the Mass, the following day would be a very special one - on the Feast of St. Michael the Archangel too.

(During the day we went up Apparition Hill - which I would ascend another two times. One member of our group, Michael, explained that he smelt roses with his father on the hill. He thought it was perfume. This is not an uncommon occurrence. The smelling of Roses or some other sweet smell has become associated with the presence of God or someone in Heaven. It indicates a special grace).

"In the Presence of the Angels, I will sing your Praises Lord"

Anyway, the day for the Mass occurred and I was feeling very nervous. I had been practicing the tune to the psalm, for a day (and I had tried to base it on one I had sung in the cathedral Choir) but at the eleventh hour I had thought of a better tune and so had become more nervous. I was scared everything would leave me and I would make a fool of myself. I decided to do some spiritual reading to calm the nerves and focus the mind but my main motivation was the fact that I hadn't done any reading as yet on my Pilgrimage. So, I took out my book of real Angelic Experiences - even though I didn't make the connection at the time that it was the Feast of St. Michael the Archangel. I went behind the Church in the outdoor sanctuary and sat down and read.

By the time I had finished, I had a renewed sense of courage and hope in Angels. I remembered my own angelic experience. With this renewed courage I began practicing my tune for the Psalm and something struck me that hadn't before. As I sang the words I realised that I had been led to read the book this particular morning, which led me to remember my own angelic experience. What then happened became more clear. The words of the response to the Psalm were " In the presence of the angels, I will sing your praises Lord". I knew, at that moment, that all I was experiencing; my decision to read about angels, my remembering that it was the feast of St. Michael the Archangel, the Psalm response which mentioned angels, my renewed faith in the protection of angels and so on, was to let me know that angels would be present with me at Mass and that I had no reason to doubt it. I wasn't going to be alone. What occurred during the Mass and for the next 5 days or so confirmed what I truly feel I was inspired to be aware of.

The first strange thing occurred as soon as I got up and said good morning to everyone in the Church. The congregation responded "Good Morning Father", but having only half heard it I continued as if I were mistaken. (Later, someone else said that that was what was spoken. It began a trend that was to continue throughout the Pilgrimage). The first hymn went smoothly, - "Praise to the Lord, the Almighty" and then came time for the Psalm - As soon as we had sung the verse, I forgot the tune. My immediate reaction was to trust and a tune came out - by the end of the Psalm I was singing the tune I had practiced. My fellow pilgrims told me they didn't notice that I had changed it, however, and I thought that was interesting. After that my confidence increased and I went on to sing the Gospel Acclamation with ease and looked forward to the Communion Hymn - "You are Near".

For that song and the ones that followed, 'Soul of My Savior" and "Here I am Lord", I did what I usually do - sing harmony. It was all the easier in this Church because everyone was singing so well that I wouldn't distract anyone. I then noticed that during the final hymn, people were taking pictures. I thought that was a bit strange but thought no more of it. I was touched when at the end of Mass, I was introduced to the congregation as a member of my Cathedral Choir, to which the people responded with a loud applause. But what really got me was what happened after Mass.

Pilgrims from my group came up to me and hugged me, told me they had tears in their eyes when I sang and that it was so beautiful. (Two of them said they had seen others crying - maybe the lady whose son had died)? For the next five days I would hear things like, "You have a beautiful voice", "You are blessed", "I felt lifted up" and so forth. Another lady asked me if I could go to her Parish in the States and be Choirmaster, to which I responded that I didn't even know how to read music. On a later climb of Cross Mountain, when I walked past a lady who couldn't go any further and had hurt her knee, I was asked if I could sing to her on the way down and that would make her feel better. You can imagine how I felt? What struck me the most was how humble I felt sure in the knowledge that what people had heard that day was more than just my voice. I knew that what people had heard sounding so angelic was exactly that - the presence of angels! This too was confirmed when a fellow Pilgrim - friend who had read at the Mass told me her experience during the Mass, whilst we were at breakfast the following morning.

She explained that during Mass the smell of Roses was omnipresent and that it got stronger when she approached the Sanctuary to read. A few days later, we were all told a story of what happened at a German Mass once in the Church. During that particular Mass there was a strange mist WITHIN the Church. One of the visionaries allegedly explained what they had witnessed. The people were told that for a moment, the veil was lifted and they saw with their eyes what happens at every Mass - Angels are present, adoring Our Lord who is present in the Eucharist.

There could no longer be any doubt that we had all been part of something very special.

I too experience the fragrance of Roses.

I must admit, when my friend explained that she had smelt Roses at Mass and that it wasn't the first time it had happened to her, having occurred even back home, I was slightly envious. I thought, "I just happen to know more than one person who has been graced with this miracle but it never happens to me". Well, by dinner time, my friend was laughing at me because I had told her that this phenomenon had never happened to me - It did - that same day - again, when I least expected it.

We visited Apparition Hill that day. I must admit, I was expecting something to happen. This is the mountain where Our Lady has appeared many times and still appears. I kept looking up at the sky to see if there would be a sign of something. Nothing!! On the way back down from apparition Hill, I was walking through the Medugorje fields with a friend and suddenly I smelt the fragrance of Roses - and it was a such a sweet and distinct smell -for about 10 seconds. I was so certain of it that I immediately asked my friend if he could smell it, to which he replied that he couldn't. "Maybe it is those two ladies coming towards", he continued and the ladies he referred to were still about 8 meters away. I realised that this was my time - I knew I didn't need to say any more and that I should just savor the moment, which is what I did. As if to 'confirm' God's sense of humor, (He got me when I wasn't expecting it) the two ladies who were coming towards us were two renowned for their praise of my singing. "You have a beautiful voice," they said once again to my embarrassment. I learnt after that, that Phyllis, another Pilgrim, had seen the miracle of the sun that day- so had Clare - again.(The following link details another Miracle of the Sun which Clare had seen in Australia - Sun Dances in Queensland )

At night we went to the Colombo Cafe` and when I got up to pay a drunk man decided he would chat to me - telling me all sorts of things. He said he was the cousin of the visionary and he was really gentle. He must have taken a liking to me or maybe it was because of his drunken; in any case he spoke Italian quite well for a Bosnian. Anyway, at the end when he told the waiter that he would pay for me, (which I didn't let him do) he introduced me to the waiter as his 'Priest friend". All the time I had spoken to him he thought I was a Priest. When I explained " I am not a Priest" he said " Next time". It was quite funny!

Walking up Cross Mountain - and the First Miracle of the Sun

Another story was also very touching, regarding a married couple, which climbed the mountain despite the wife's paralytic legs. Because of the condition of the wife, the husband decided to carry her up in his arms - not an easy feat for those who know the terrain on the mountain. I forget the middle of the story but I remember the end. Somehow it soon got dark and they decided to descend the mountain and were amazed at how well lit the path was. The husband said, "Do you see what I see"? The light they had seen was supernatural because the path is not lit at all.

As we climbed the mountain we prayed the Stations of the Cross and I was asked to sing a refrain at the end of each Station. After one station, as we were proceeding to the following one, one member of our group, all excited, kept staring at the sun and calling others to have a look at what he could see. I was skeptical and remained so even AFTER I had seen it too. (I am skeptical no longer, especially as I saw it another two times.)

The Pilgrim asked me to have a look and I did even though I had reservations. I kept saying "I can't see anything" and yet, I was staring at the sun for about a minute without any effect on my eyes. He noticed that I doubted and said, "You wouldn't be able to look at the sun if you weren't seeing it". It was at that point, when I allowed myself to consider the possibility that it was true, that I saw, instead of the sun, at its very heart, a bright Host - and for a moment I also saw a golden cross behind it.

Surprisingly my reaction was not what I expected. Rather than shouting it to the rooftops, I felt embarrassed and decided to stop looking. I guess, looking back at it now, I wanted it to be something personal and not shared with others. Fortunately, God gave me another chance to accept His gift and this time I made most of the opportunity. (See below). In the meantime, I experienced being mistaken for a Priest a few more times. Once was in the Church when an Italian looking for confession asked me if I were a Priest. Then, outside the Church, walking passed the confessionals, an Italian lady waiting for an Italian Priest asked me in Italian if she could go into the confessional. It must've been my navy blue clothes).

The Medugorje 'Night Life" - Veneration of the Cross in St. James Church

On October 1st the group was told that we would be present for the Apparition of the Blessed Virgin Mary to Mirjana, (who still has monthly apparitions) and that it would occur at the Cenacolo Community (a community which uses love, prayer, fasting and community, instead of medicine to help drug addicts) in the green marquee. I was excited about it of course, especially since Mirjana asked everyone to bring their religious items because they would be blessed. [Note: Evidence that items were in fact blessed during Apparition] So, I brought many of them with me, which I have subsequently given to people. The following day the crowd was great and I only managed to see Mirjana walk in and walk out. Fortunately, a fellow pilgrim from my group saw Mirjana during the Apparition, (which I have since seen on video). All of a sudden, during the communal prayers, Mirjana lifted her head and her facial expression indicated the immense beauty of what she was beholding as well as the joy she was feeling. (I remember hearing people calling for quiet and on the day that was the only indication I had that the Apparition had begun). Mirjana, although a mother herself, honestly became like a little child, excited to see someone she loved very much. Throughout the Apparition which lasted probably 4 minutes or so, you could see Mirjana nodding, shaking her head, listening intently, speaking silently to her vision, praying and crying of joy. It is very moving watching it on video and knowing that you were a part of it.

The graces of that particular day wouldn't end there however. During the 5pm prayer service, I was walking outside the Church and saw two ladies staring in the direction of the sun. Here it was - my opportunity to make up for my poor reaction the previous day. I too looked at the sun - and continued to do so for about 10 minutes, not being able to take my eyes off it or to wipe the smile off my face, as I thanked God for this special gift. The sun, once again had become a shining Host, except that this time the Host was vibrating or pulsating. I also saw a pinkish/reddish glow around the Host. It was beautiful. I just kept staring at it not caring about others looking. At one point I walked up to a part of the area outside the Church closer to the sun so that I wouldn't distract anyone and could savor this gift, and so I said nothing to my friends when I walked past them. When I walked back down after my long admiration of what I was seeing, Natalie asked me, "Did you see it"? I was relieved to know that others too had seen it from my group and enthusiastically I said, "Yes". That gave me the courage to do more. Seeing two other ladies looking at it I shared my experience with them too. They were from Ireland. I told the two Irish ladies that it reminded me of the love of the Sacred Heart of Jesus for all mankind.

Still - I begin to doubt again - Yet, confirmation follows.

But, being a doubting Thomas, and not accepting that these miracles need not come with the sounds of trumpets and the visitation of Angels, I began to doubt. "Maybe it only happens when the sun is setting," I said to myself. Well, this time I would only need to wait for the following day to find my answer.

The next day, I was waiting for the evening to test my theory. I tried and tried to look at the sun but every time I did it had the same effect that the sun normally does - blindness and a quick smart desire to STOP being silly! Later that night, as I was discussing something with another two pilgrims they told me that they HAD seen the Miracle of the Sun again that evening, when I couldn't.

I had my answer. God had prevented me from seeing it that day to prove that what I had experienced the previous day was real.

The night before we left Medugorje, I sat in the church grounds with a tear in my eye. I didn't want to leave.

Third Miracle of the Sun - Returning to Medugorje after listening to Fr Jozo speak.

The following day, before leaving for Dubrovnik, we went to listen to Fr Jozo speak, after which we would pass by Medugorje for the last time and then proceed to Dubrovnik.

In short, Fr Jozo is one of the original Priests associated with the visionaries and who protected them from the Communist authorities during the early stages of the Apparitions in 1981. He himself was imprisoned and tortured. He now speaks on the Medugorje message and looks after orphans of the War.

One beautiful incident came during the healing prayers after Fr Jozo's talk, when the many priests present, whom Fr Jozo had prayed over, prayed over the congregation. Phyllis, one lady in our group experienced 'resting in the spirit' and she laughed as she told us about it. AS she lay on the floor experiencing a 'glow', the Priest whom the Holy Spirit had used as an instrument didn't know what was going on. It was the first time he had experienced such a phenomenon and he thought Phyllis had fainted. It was so funny as she explained how he was calling for people to give her air and how the others had to reassure him that what was happening was meant to happen.

It was on the bus on the way back that I, together with many others on the bus, saw the miracle of the sun for the third time. This time, the Host appeared again. It was so distinguishable. I can only compare it to looking at a full moon, yet with no craters visible. It was a beautiful farewell from Our Lord. 

I wrote the following on the plane on our return home to Australia.

"What to say about Medugorje? Well the first thing that comes to mind is the tremendous feeling of peace that one experiences there. To smile at someone else comes as second nature. To walk around praying regardless of who is around is common place, for a silent language of shared intentions and desires is spoken by the various pilgrims who come. But above all, the Presence of Our Saviour and his and our Blessed Mother is omnipresent. How have I changed as a result of my time there? I now pray the Rosary everyday and understand its beauty. I look forward to praying it and it feels me with peace. God reveals much more to me when I pray it and there is clarity. I have a desire to receive Holy Communion more often. I have a greater sense of God's love for me and I am praying more with my heart than I used to. I also am more aware of the reality of Mary's love for me, the love of a mother for her little child, and the presence of my guardian angel and the importance of Community. The miraculous events I experienced were tremendous and I have a clearer focus on my future - what matters most is my faith and developing my relationship with my Lord. I also made new friends with whom I share a common faith."