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"I had an abortion" - Melanie's Story

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When I was 16 years old my dream was to be a pilot.  I did accomplish that dream at 16 years old.  After being on the student council, running cross country, and having an excellent relationship with God at the time, temptation does come and I took it hook, line and sinker...

I was going into my junior year in high school and my parents sent me to Torremolinos, Spain for the year.  I was still on summer vacation and I had some time to have some fun.  I was interested in a man by the name of 'R.B'.  That's not the problem.  The problem is I lost my virginity to this man at 16 years old and he happened to be 32 years old.  I thought it was me that consented to it - come to find out 3 years later he was a con-artist and he liked to use the "date-rape" drug on several girls. 

I am one of an estimated 300 victims. 

This man has 2 children.When my parents found out I lost my virginity, they immediately had me sent home.  Out of anger, I started doing marajuana.  The drugs only lasted about 2 months and I got into a lot of trouble along the way.  As I turned 17 I began to realize that all this wasn't worth it and to stay focused.  That's when I met Derek.  We dated for about a year before we moved into an apartment.  Then he asked me to marry him and ofcourse I said yes.  Things seemed to be going just perfect for me...at the time.  I still had not asked for forgiveness from God and that was my biggest problem. I was a waitress at a fine dining restauraunt and I always went out with my friends every weekend.  There was a guy in particular by the name of 'R.D'.  We had a lot too much to drink and we ended up sleeping together. 

The next morning I somehow knew there was another life inside me.  I was 6 weeks pregnant before I broke down and took a test.  I was still engaged to Derek.  I hated this man, 'R.D' with a passion.  He was 35 years old and I was 18.  He had no sense of direction or responsibility and he was just awful.  My mother was the first person I told and her immediate response was to "get rid of it." 

I was a mess and when you're pregnant, you make some pretty ridiculous choices actually even when you're not pregnant.  I had the abortion and everything seemed fine, I had nothing on my conscience and I didn't care.  Derek found out and it destroyed my relationship with him, and it tore me apart, and God seemed further away. Things sometimes have a way of working themselves out, but you have to put the effort in as well.

Last month, in March, was the month my baby was due.  Let me tell you something...IT IS NOT WORTH IT!!!!  If you think breaking up with your boyfriend is hard or losing a loved one in the family, yes it is difficult, but not as hard as knowing every day that you had murdered your own child. 

Right before the procedure, they tell you what they're going to do, but they don't tell you what happens after.  They probably never will.  That child didn't even have the chance to breathe air, or see the trees or taste fruit, or run along the beach and play.  That child, my child was aborted, cancelled.  Some think nothing of it, but if you have a heart and love for others, you will never do it.  I'm not saying that it makes you a bad person, but it is a choice you will live with the rest of your life.  I can't tell you how many nights I spent crying to God asking Him why I made such stupid decisions.  And there hasn't been a day that goes by that I do not think about my unborn child.  They say it's not living until it has a heartbeat.  That is not true. As a woman, I could feel my belly was full of life and there was a person in there.  I knew it.  Aborting a child will leave you feeling empty and alone, or at least it left me that way. 

Please seek advice or help even if you're considering it, because you can't fix that.  You can fix a broken lamp or mend a relationship, but you can't go back in time and bring back the child that was mudered inside the womb.  Derek and I are getting married today in spite of everything.  Life does go on, but people need to remember that you must allow the life to live and love.God is back in my life and I will fight this abortion thing until the day I die. God forgives everything, but sometime He let's you remember things as a reminder of the love He has for you.  Everlasting love, I have found it through God and unconditional love through God and my husband to be.  I am 19 years old and I feel stronger than I ever have been.  I always had to learn the hard way. 

I didn't believe that an abortion could be so bad until I experienced it for myself, now I wish I had never done it. Please please please seek someone else's advice and let the little life live, it really does deserve it, and if you don't think a child deserves to life ask yourself whether or not you would like to think about something you've done 40 years down the road.  Sometimes the past is a hard thing to look back on, but I guarantee , something like this will stay with you.

Thanks for listening.  God bless you.

~Melanie

If you wish to write to Melanie send an email to the following address. Dreamer1766@cs.com