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The following extracts are taken from my spiritual journals. I had many spiritual experiences through a book called He and I which detailed the alleged conversations between a French woman early this century and Jesus himself. I cannot say whether or not this lady made up the dialogue or whether she truly experienced a common occurrence amongst saints in Church History - interior locutions. All I know is that this book inspired me immensely and that my experiences cannot be denied.
HE AND I
May 13 1991 - …. I struggled nearly all day. In my suffering I turned to He and I seeking a message to help me. I can’t find the page the message was on, but as far as I can remember it was something about asking our Mother to help me.
August 28 1991 - ….. You know how I explained how I would use He And I to give me messages to help me well, here are some other things that I think He said to me ( maybe he intended me to read the pages I opened up to ).
Pg 123. " think of this. I was already a host in the Garden of Gethsemane. Be one with me there. Say ‘ … I’m close beside you’ and I will take you into my heart….I need you so much in the garden. I was so lonely in my terrible anguish. "
At a time of anxiety and lack of faith
` " Don’t worry since you can’t do anything about these things, you don’t need to bother about them; they’re my concern. Just put them in my hands and that’s all that matters. Don’t you need practice in trusting me ? you know how I love your childlike confidence in Me. These are moments to show how little you are and give me a chance to take care of you…… No it’s not an illusion. You’re not in error, only in the shadow land. Just feeling your way by faith. I planned it this way. So throw yourself into my arms. Say that you believe , that you hope, that you love - and commit your entire being to Me "
During a time of fear
pg 177. " Why do you doubt, you of little faith?.. Could my love ever fail ? .. Am I less great than yesterday /. Do I love you for what you are worth ?.. CLOSE THE EYES OF THIS FEAR THAT PARALYSES YOU and throw yourself into My arms. I am the very gentle shepherd; you know that I will give you rest in my heart."
One day I told God while I was in the terrible state " I know you’ll help me and forgive me " wanting to believe it and I opened up to page 238 and I read " nothing could make you happier, could it ? " and though the words that followed didn’t really fit what I was asking , it was not a coincidence that God allowed me to read the above words first. I was suffering and I truly would have been happy to have His help. The following message that god gave me I didn’t want to listen to. I thought god was being harsh on me when despite what I was going through I read , on opening the book on p285 " Don’t you want to begin to be happy to suffer a little for me ?
I also opened up to page 122 once and on that page it said " …I’m nearer to you than you are and every tender word my children say to Me delights and charms My Heart. Don’t ever doubt it ".
July 29 1993 - Last night mumwas in some deal of pain …and when I went to bed I asked God sincerely to grant her a very restful sleep. Just a couple of minutes ago, she walked up the cooridor and said, without me even asking her, that she had slept well. I knew straight away that God had answered my prayer.
November 19 1993 - At a time of doubt because God was taking a long time to help me with something
" Ask, ask. Often it is only after a long time of asking that you receive "
October 28 1993 - after Communion
" If at each of your thanksgiving you asked My Mother to help you, it would be a great joy to me "
October 14 1994 - Before I go I will write down what I read from He and I last night in a moment of fear and slight desperation.
" God… when you see Him, how you will want to have served him , to have love \d him with all your heart! Don’t be afraid of trials. They only help you to go higher. They make you love me more. And there I am waiting at the end of the road…. Oh the serenity of one who has yielded everything to me. "l
January 23 1995 - After I committed a sin for which I was sorry
" Don’t let your eyes wander from mine. Now that you understand better, don’t stray from my loving look " ( pg 208 )
May 14 1995 - ……. But it seems significant that I am writing this at this time when I feel that God is calling me to this union once again; not because of my holiness but because of my need……
" Be one with Me. … didn’t I come in order to be one with you - so that we should be only one being ?Don’t try to shut out this thought. Of course you’re not worthy, but it is my desire. And nothing on Earth can give you an idea of what this oneness is that I ask of you. It is God’s oneness. Don’t you know that the more you love, the happier you are ? Because this is your end , the end for which you are created. "
It cannot be a coincidence that the page I opened up at clearly reflects my inspirations and thoughts that I wrote in my journal just 25 minutes before reading them in He and I. … I had said " I feel that God is calling me to this unity ( or oneness ) once again; not because of my
‘ holiness ‘ but because of my need and I obtained the reply " of course you’re not worthy but it is my desire".
June 3 1995 - reflecting back on Easter when I found it difficult to cope with the attitude of a family member who is holding a grudge against me and won’t talk to me. It is very easy to begin to hate someone who treats you that way )
" Be kind. Take the first step toward your neighbour . Tenderly. "
( I couldn’t )
( reflecting back on april 30 when I read the words )
" Do not be afraid - I will save you. I have called you by name - you are mine "
The night before I had sung these words at church - Marilla Ness’s song ‘ Do not be afraid ‘
October 22 / November 27 1995 - during period of strong temptation
" If I didn’t allow you to be tempted, where would your victory be ? So instead of being unhappy, you should be glad. Say to yourself, ‘ Now is the moment to win through !’ Remember when you were little how you used to love to win? ‘
" Discouragement never elevates anyone. Keep going . Don’t stop. I kept going on the road to Calvary and in spite of such agony, I got there. Look atv ME and you will find new courage. And honour Me by calling Me to help you.
January 9 1996 - on the day I went to confession
" Change yourself by patiently beginning over and over again ".
January 18 - a period of depression
pg 94 -95 " I walk along the same path that I chose for you from all eternity - in this family, in this country where you live. It is I who placed you there with special love. So live there, full of faith, remembering THAT THERE IS WHERE YOU WILL WIN HEAVEN….. So pass through this life with impatience to know Me at last -…..your loving Saviour."