TALK ON SEXUALITY IN THE CONTEXT OF VOCATIONS - by Father. Steve Casey

First of all we need to work on a few definitions. The topic is very good – Sexuality in the Context of Vocations – we can’t really talk about sexuality in its Christian understanding if we don’t also talk about vocation. What is sexuality? A basic but important question because a lot of people out there have got the answer to this fundamental question very very wrong. Not a few of your contemporaries, and many people much older, seem to reduce sexuality to one’s orientation, virility, or ability to seduce the opposite sex, or the same sex, and to chalk up a long list of conquests. How tragically mistaken they are. Our sexuality has to do with our human nature, and not just our base instincts to reproduce but something much greater. Our sexuality is integral to our human nature as created and loved by God. Our sexuality is a part of our human nature as created in God’s image.

What is virginity, celibacy and chastity? Virginity is the conscious decision to preserve one’s sexual innocence until marriage, or within a life-long consecration to our Lord. Celibacy is the resolution to refrain from sexual intercourse until marriage, or if one chooses not to marry, to persevere in this promise for the whole of one’s life. Chastity is the use or respect of one’s sexual faculties in a way that is pure, reverent and holy.

God made us male and female. God said, "Let us make man in our image, after our likeness….So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them (Gen 1:26-27)." Let there be no doubt about that. Sure, there are many people who will rebut this simple premise with the statement that some babies are born with an arrangement of sexual organs which don’t identify them as specifically male or female. They will try to confuse the issue by introducing a rare exception. But perhaps that’s our first mistake – in accepting that there are exceptions. Let me be brave and suggest that there are no exceptions. But, they will protest, what about the transsexuals and transvestites and bisexuals and homosexuals and cross-dressers and many other variations? It is not as simple as saying that God created us male and female, man and woman, they will insist. But be doubly insistent in your response. Quote the scripture – "male and female He created them" – don’t give in. If you do they will then say that if God made them that way you can’t be judgmental. They will say you can’t prohibit them from this behaviour or that, if that is the way God made them. Surely, they will ask, would it not be unreasonable to require such individuals to suppress their natural desires? The point is this. In a few very rare instances doctors may have to determine genetically or by some other means what sex a new born baby may or may not be and then proceed with surgery accordingly, because by the sexual organs alone it is not immediately apparent. But this is very rare and even in such circumstances as this it is the natural reaction of the doctors not to leave such babes as undefined but to assign to them one sex or the other. The doctors will say that it is preferable for the wellbeing of the child that they appear normal but their automatic course of action in assigning a sex, obviously the sensible thing to do, seems to imply an understanding that if not God, this is what nature at least intends this baby to be, to be either male or female. Such tragic instances as this are used by ideologues to suggest that it is not our particular external organs alone that determine our sexuality, which is true, and that we don’t inherit a fixed sexual identity but contain within us a disposition toward a whole range of sexual feelings, which is false. They claim that our sexuality is one long continuum upon which we may move according to the circumstances of life which shape us emotionally and mentally. Basically, that our sexuality is not a given, determined by God, but is the gift of many possibilities. Our young people are encouraged to explore and discover who they are. To sexually experiment is healthy and OK. To be fixed and rigid in one’s knowledge of our sexual identity is to be insecure and prevents growth in fulfilling our human potential. Such psychological babble is nauseating stuff but it is alive and well in our modern world and is confusing and damaging our young people.

Very often people like to use the terms masculinity and femininity in ways that are misleading. They are coming out of an ideology which doesn’t want to reinforce male or female stereotypes and instead turns us all into strange androgynous creatures. Our sexuality, they say, is both masculine and feminine – it’s a matter of differing degrees. How often have you heard: "try to get more in touch with your feminine side?" That itself is stereotyping – why can’t we just assume that men can be just as gentle and nurturing as women? They are ordinary human qualities that are called virtues and are given by God to all people. We are all capable of being gentle, compassionate, intuitive or empathetic. It has nothing to do with being more feminine. Women don’t have a monopoly on these qualities. Likewise, many women, soft as they might look, may well be tough negotiators and decision-makers, when they have to be, and are well able to dismantle and put together an engine as competently as any man. It’s a simple matter of aptitude and ability, likes and dislikes. If a man is shown how to arrange a basket of flowers he can do it. If a woman is shown how to change the oil on a truck she can do it. Such skills are taught and learnt and whether or not we choose to do these things ultimately depend on whether or not we want to do such things and like doing them. It has nothing to do with social conditioning by a so-called "patriarchal" society. In a truly Christian civilisation the sexes work complementary to each other. Our sexuality contributes to building up a civilisation of love grounded in Christ’s redemptive act of self-denial and self-emptying upon the Cross – a City of God, where issues of power and control become irrelevant.

Many Christians choose to follow traditional parenting roles, mum at home, dad at work, because they want to and they like it that way. The Church has not repressed generations of women and obstructed them from fulfilling their potential. Furthermore, many feminists conveniently forget that Dad’s work out on a mine site or in an office, earning a necessary income, is just as much a share in the parenting of children as giving them their bath or preparing their meals.They have a fairly narrow understanding of parenting. It’s more than just tucking the kids into bed at night. But then how many hardcore feminists are parents themselves? It’s the feminists who are doing the stereotyping. They make men out to be sexually voracious baboons with no emotional faculties at all. They caricature men as neanderthals who occasionally wander into the family cave to satiate their appetites. Such feminists are as equally demeaning of the role of mothers. Motherhood is just something you do because you have to. It doesn’t take much intelligence or ambition to be a mother. One is a mother by default. No woman of sound mind would choose enslavement in the family cave.

If anything, in today’s world there seems to be deliberate discrimination against families that want the mother to stay at home and care for the kids. Current government policies do nothing to facilitate the proper rearing of children within their own homes, but provide plenty of incentives to place the kids in child care centers so that mothers can go out and work. Many families are virtually forced into this because the economies of Western countries and various social structures economically penalise larger families and traditional parenting. Truly, to be the parents of a Catholic family today is a heroic vocation. Even to be the children in a traditional Catholic family today is a heroic vocation. So often, in the schoolyard and elsewhere, they have to suffer the jibes of their peers that their clothes are not as new or their toys not as flashy. So this is what we are up against. Parenting, marriage and family is something that we must consciously choose and prepare for, spiritually and financially. If you are contemplating the vocation of marriage pray firstly for the grace of purity that you will remain virginal, celibate and chaste until marriage, and pray also for the grace of planning the necessary practical steps to help the success of your future marriage. If you are earning an income be sure to spend your money wisely, and save prudently for the day when you will have to place a deposit on a house so that the banks don’t cripple you with interest.

If it is seen as slightly weird to embrace the vocation of parenthood nowadays, in its traditionally defined form as mum, dad and the loving acceptance of more than 2.5 kids – ahead of career, wealth, good times and a comfortable retirement – then to choose celibacy as a priest, brother or sister is even more neurotic. Even worse, to deliberately remain single and unattached, devoting oneself to serving God and neighbour in one’s ordinary every day job, and through good works in the community, is positively pathetic.That is truly so sad that such a person as that would have to be a basket case. The only acceptable excuse not to indulge in a life of unrestrained lust and hard partying, when one is clearly able to do so, not being a mum, dad, monk or nun, is that one is either gay or very ugly. Such is the mind of modern man.

A common illusion taken for granted nowadays is that our sexual organs are everything. Popular culture, especially trashy magazines, television and movies, is obsessed with flesh and genitalia. It seems there is nothing more important to us than our external appearance and what we have attached to the rest of our bodies. Because of this idolatry of the body it is no wonder that people who are less than the ideal, whose ordinary physical imperfections are more pronounced than most, or who suffer a handicap or amputation, seem to feel so different or even ostracised.

So, back to the topic, sexuality and vocation. As I said at the start – we are created in God’s image – and God is Creator. Our sexuality, therefore, is our God-given identity as man and woman and capacity to cooperate in his plan of giving and sustaining life. Sometimes through a physical disability this openness and capacity is impeded from reaching its physical conclusion but that is not to say that one’s sexuality is repressed or distorted. Furthermore, sometimes God has chosen to use our sexuality in a different way, called celibacy, but ultimately still to witness to the same purpose – that of giving, receiving, honouring and nurturing new life. How does celibacy play a role in this? It adds to the dignity of the sexual capacity through its distinctive witness. The acceptance of celibacy is to implicitly acknowledge the nobility of this wonderful gift that God has placed within us, the gift to cooperate in his most holy of all works in the creation of life itself, and to honour this gift by offering it back to God. Celibacy is to witness that God has given all of us an awesome power and that this power is not to be used lightly, and that even the latent possession of this gift, as custodians of what might be possible were it God’s will, is a force in itself because this energy which lies within us is never really dormant but is used by God for a holy and evangelical work. That is why the gift of celibacy is called one of the evangelical counsels, because it is a witness of God’s power to redeem. Celibacy is still anchored within the God-given power of our sexuality and the sacrificial act of offering this gift back to God is life-giving in itself, not literally but symbolically. Symbolic of the sacrifice of the Cross where God gave up his only Son to suffer and to die that we might have new life. In one sense to choose celibacy is to give up all that we have but through the Resurrection what we gain is oh so much greater then we could ever have imagined. As it is with marriage too. To give up one’s freedom, and to give of yourself completely to your spouse in the covenant of marriage is ultimately to gain far more than you could ever have dreamt of. One only need to see a beaming couple at the birth of their first child, and of every child thereafter, to witness their joyous awakening to this profound mystery.

Although the fact that God made us male and female is important to this question of sexuality we need to go even further than that. What I have said about celibacy has hinted at the direction I want to take you. I’ve rightly stressed the complementarity of the male and female sexes as integral to a true and Christian understanding of sexuality, and naturally therefore that the sexual act was intended for the union of husband and wife alone, as a cooperation in God’s plan of creation. What also needs to be said is that the Christian understanding of sexuality presumes that the sexual union of a man and woman is made once and for all, until death do them part. Nowadays, not only do we have to state clearly that the sexual capacity is ordered to reproduction, and as such is a gift not to be abused through solitary sexual actions or through sexual relations with others of the same sex, but that man and woman can only give of themselves totally and authentically to God and each other if they are first promised to each other in the sacred covenant of marriage. Marriage is real trust – anything else is less than ideal and leaves each partner with some doubt as to whether they are totally loved. Living together with each other before marriage is like living a fantasy whereby a man and woman are deluding themselves into believing that they are truly accepted and trusted by their sexual partner when obviously they are not. It is two grown up people make-believing by playing house together, closing their eyes and blocking out the statistically inevitable closing drama, when the fairy tale will sooner or later come to an end.

What about those who are not married, are not living with or going with anybody, and are not habitually given to seeking out occasions of lust with multiple sexual partners? Surely a once in a while fling wouldn’t do any harm to anyone? Why live like a monk when in every other respect you’re a normal and decent citizen? As far as the Church is concerned the deliberate arousal of one’s sexual capacity in any way whatsoever is seriously, gravely and mortally sinful. Why? Because by doing so we are distorting the purpose of this gift and interfering with what is not ours to interfere with. Our sexual capacity was given by God exclusively for the purpose of deepening and strengthening the love of man and woman in marriage, and of being the means of his creation of new human life. Until such time as we are married we are only custodians of this precious gift, it is not ours to use. It is for God to use with our cooperation – and used only within the blessing of marriage after we have made certain solemn promises to God and spouse. To use this gift otherwise is courting danger. It is like using a nuclear-powered aircraft carrier to go on a leisurely cruise up the Swan River. It was not meant for this purpose and in the wrong hands it could result in unexpected consequences. The people misusing the boat are in danger of being hurt. The same it is with sex – to take this boat into uncharted waters will lead us into problems.

So, tonight I hope I’ve clearly enunciated the teaching of the Church on the subject of sexuality insofar as I’ve imparted an understanding that the proper use of, and respect of our sexuality, as God’s gift, cannot ever be separated from the living out of our particular Christian vocation. Sexuality is part and parcel of our call to holiness. It is a most sacred and beautiful gift that God has entrusted to us to use for his divine purpose, and for his purpose alone. The way the world has corrupted and degraded this holy gift is a desecration and abomination in the sight of God. For Catholics who have enjoyed the privilege of the sacraments of the Church it is especially sad that they have scorned the many graces that could be mediated through the gift of their sexuality, because they have dishonoured its proper purpose (artificial contraception). Many of them I hardly blame, a whole generation of Catholics have grown up sadly ignorant of God’s Law in its application to true sexual love.

You are fortunate that you are here today. Your are privileged that the Holy Spirit has moved your hearts to seek His truth by bringing you here to this retreat to deepen your faith and your knowledge of it. Many of your peers, including many of your Catholic friends, are probably almost completely ignorant of God’s moral law, simply because they have never heard it. I know that I have many close friends in this situation. You must help us priests. We are shepherds called to seek out the lost sheep. Help us to gently lead these sheep back to safe pastures. The message we preach is a hard one. You may well have to lead them back by degrees. You may be blessed to inspire a sudden conversion but generally the road is long and hard. The road is hard not for a lack of God’s grace, this He gives in abundance through the sacraments of the Church, but because our message is often misunderstood. Far from abandoning our missionary efforts among our friends, it is incumbent upon us to try again and again to explain the Gospel, in new and fresh language that will one day capture their imaginations. Encourage your friends gently as you awaken them to the fullness of the truth, but be authentic witnesses of our faith and never compromise its divine truth by even a millimetre. Your friends will thank you for it. In today’s world ours is very much a ministry of love and charity. People will accuse us of hard-heartedness but at least we are always there, as members of God’s Church, to witness to His mercy and forgiveness, picking up the pieces when people fall, be it drugs, sex, abortion, occultism or whatever. We are not claiming to be "holier than thou." Yes, we admit that we too are sinners and are often guilty of not practicing what we preach. But we don’t therefore change what we preach. We are mandated to preach the truth and nothing else – the Ten Commandments, the Gospels, and God’s Law of justice and love – our own failures can never change what comes from God. It is your vocation more than anything, your particular state in life, which will witness to the truth of God’s Law. The Truth which sets us free. It is your fidelity to God’s unique calling to you to manifest his Gospel in your own special way in the particular circumstances of your life, which will allow the mystery of his Passion, Death and Resurrection to touch the lives of others. As I said at the beginning of this talk, you have chosen me to speak on a good topic, "Sexuality in the Context of Vocation." Your sexuality is a calling from God and your vocation is a calling from God. Each is at the service of the other. May God bless you and keep you and may his light shine always upon you.

Fr. Steve Casey