Teen Violence and the Importance of Marriage

How long has teen violence and juvenile crime been a problem? It’s hard to say, but the recent batch of shootings at schools has brought the problem to the forefront of American consciousness. Everywhere, newscasters are turning to experts for insight, friends and families of the perpetrators for clues, and anyone else who might have an answer on how to stop this.

Talk radio is interesting to listen to the day after one of the shootings. One thing that has repeatedly come out – after Jonesboro, Pearl, Springfield – is that one should look to the parents. Another statement that is rather disturbing is "You can raise your kids right, and they still might do something like this."

People who say such things are setting themselves up for disaster. They are the same types who say we have to teach condoms in sex education because "they’re gonna have sex anyway" and who let their teens have alcohol parties at their home because "I’d rather them drink at my house than somewhere else." The fact that they "might do it anyway" does not justify the absence of discipline or the condoning of wrongful acts. Rather than acknowledging the possibility that something could go horribly wrong even if all the correct steps are taken, parents should be saying to themselves and to the world, "I will do everything in my power to make sure my children appreciate life, respect themselves and others, and place a firm emphasis upon doing what is right."

Parenting such as this starts with a good solid marriage!

One recent Saturday morning, my wife and I were watching one of those teen television shows on Saturday morning. The need for a good marriage came screaming through in one of the episodes.

In the episode, a high school girl was attempting to come to terms with the fact that her parents were planning to get a divorce. In desperation, the girl and her friends tried to remind the couple of their honeymoon by providing them with a romantic evening. The goal was to convince the parents to stay together. You might remember a similar storyline from the old movie The Parent Trap.

This one, however, did not end happily. The parents said they were still going to get a divorce but emphasized that they both loved the daughter very much. The daughter was not so sure. If they loved her so much, why did they not give her the one thing she most wanted – an intact family?

The significant moment came at the end. The girl is standing alone outside with her boyfriend. She says she feels alone. He says, "As long as I’m here, you’ll never be alone." They hug.

It’s supposed to be a very touching scene, but let’s think about this. The girl cannot find what she needs from her parents, so she turns to her friends. She views the friends as being more stable than her family, and she is convinced by this time that nothing in life truly is stable. The next time you hear someone wonder why friends have such a strong influence on teens, think about this scenario.

The Catholic Church has always placed a strong emphasis upon marriage, and divorce continues to be a very grave sin as it should be. The family, not the individual, is the most important element of a society. When families crumble, society will follow.

And the key element of that family is the marriage between two loving adults. William May addresses this issue in his book Marriage: The Rock on which the Family is Built:

The first and most basic moral criterion for the family of today – and of every day and age – is this: The family must be rooted in the marriage of one man and one woman. This is clearly affirmed in the Catechism of the Catholic Church (Paragraph 2202, which states that "a man and woman united in marriage, together with their children, form a family. This institution is prior to any recognition by public authority, which has an obligation to recognize it. It should be considered the normal reference point by which the different forms of family relationship are to be evaluated." (May 17)

If we truly want to address the problems of teen violence and juvenile crime, if we want to better equip our youth to handle the stresses of adolescence, and, quite simply, if we want our children to be happier, we must renew our commitment to marriage as the foundation for family and for society. We must decide that a 50 percent divorce rate is unacceptable. And we must never enter into marriage hastily or foolishly.

Finally, as Catholics, we must take seriously the words said during the sacrament of matrimony: "What God has joined, men must not divide."

Chris Mosmeyer
June 1, 1998